Cre8tive Mojo Talks Almost-Love (part 1)

Some people think I am completely nuts, or too picky or not picky enough, yet the truth is when it comes to my heart I am very careful. Yet, no matter how careful I am, some hot F boy seems to slip into the cracks of my heart once in a while. I call that "Almost Love". This time it wasn't my usual, it was a friend fuck boy. He was someone who lost everything and ended up in front of my footsteps 2 1/2 years ago.

We had a great time, however, he had to move to a cheaper place in the mid-west to re-build his life. Throughout that time I was a phone call away for him as a friend. As he rebuilt his life, we became phone friends. Nothing was as safe as this until the phone calls became more frequent. I realized I might be in an "emotional relationship" with him. Where you have someone who acts like an over-the-phone BF but not really. We were just friends, but it was becoming increasingly hard to stay JUST friends. HE WAS A FUCK BOY ---don't even go there. I have rules with F boys--less talk, and more action. This is ALL chat and NO ACTION.

It felt like a pandemic-proof situationship---then it hit me---he never wanted to see me. He never wanted me to visit. This arrangement is how I powered him up so he can live his Fuck Boy life. I tried to pull the plug, but I seemed so attached it felt almost painful to let it go. I waved my white flag---told myself I needed to cut off this "Phone BF" I needed out. I told him I need to stop talking for a month.

He said it was all good---we are just friends---all the things FUCK BOY says when he wants to act cool, but he is low-key mad or jealous. I took a month off, only to call again wondering if I cut things off too fast. Maybe I judged him too quickly? Maybe there was more to him than meets the eye? I was already attached.

After my 2019 breakup and my 2020 glow-up rebound year, putting my heart on the line for someone who can give me everything was hard. I felt ALMOST LOVE was enough.

As the pandemic is hopefully almost ending, I found myself coming into conscienceness---Like what was that? How did I get so involved with someone who didn't even want to see my face or spend time to see me? Did I just have a contactless relationship? After his bursts of jealousy, I finally confronted him about his feelings for me. He admitted he had feelings. I admitted my feelings. Yet, nothing seems to change. I felt myself falling in almost love---where you feel like a truck hit you and you are in pain from low expectations that went unmet.

Almost love--sucks. I found myself just over it and told him I couldn't do this. I would need a 6-month break. The truth is, it is just over. Another one bites the dust.

xo

Cre8tive Mojo